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The Carmichael Show is taped

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in front of a live studio audience.

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So, I was on a walk, Maxine,

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and I had this epiphany on the walk.

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I noticed that you can tell how nice

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your neighborhood is by, like,
the litter that's on the ground.

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And congratulations, Maxine, 'cause we live

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in a pretty nice neighborhood, all right?

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It was like a ATM receipt.

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I saw a bag from the Apple Store.

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On my way in, I stepped over
an unused condom, Maxine.

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It was a... it was a
condom, and it wasn't used.

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Now, where I grew up, we had scary litter.

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There's only so many bags
of Flaming Hot Cheetos

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a man can see before he knows
he's about to be murdered.

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I get it. People-people get murdered.

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- Yeah.
- Um, can you hand me that?

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What are you making here,
by the way? What was...?

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- Cheesy potatoes?
- Yes.

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A-a rib-eye?

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Maxine, you don't eat like this.

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Your parents do.

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Oh, so, now you want
to live like my parents?

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Jerrod, I've been trying to figure out

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why I haven't really connected
with your parents, and I think

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it's because I'm not the
traditional homemaker,

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take-care-of-my-man type
of woman that they expect.

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Mm-hmm.

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So I'm just gonna try a new tactic.

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I'm just gonna not act like myself anymore.

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Look, this is the first time
that they're coming over,

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and I want them to like me.

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My family... you know, they're
all divorced and dysfunctional.

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I like your family.

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They're all close and on top of each other.

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I know you think you're
describing a good thing, Maxine,

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but what you just described

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is how homeless people live.

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Plus, I'm adding a new dish.

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What? Whoa, whoa.

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No. Is that kale?

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No, that doesn't go with
anything that I'm cooking.

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I... Maybe I can cream it or fry it.

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Or maybe you could cream it,
then bread it, then fry it.

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- Ooh.
- Ooh.

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No. No, Maxine. No.

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My parents eat horrible, okay?

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Really bad. I'm always trying
to get 'em to eat better.

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You know, when I was
little, my mom would say,

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"If I cooked, and it's on the
table, you're going to eat it."

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Now it's my turn.

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Okay, well, your parents
are not gonna eat kale.

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Well, it's not just
kale. It's a kale salad.

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- Hey.
- Aah!

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We're here for Sunday Fun-Day!

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I'm at the boy's now.

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All right, I'll see you at work.

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All right. All right.

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All right.

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- Dad!
- I'll see you at work.

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All right, all right, all right.

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You know I got free nights and weekends.

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I got to get these calls in.

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Hi, Maxine.

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Hello. Welcome!

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Thank you. It's so nice of you, Maxine,

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to invite us over to Jerrod's apartment.

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Ma, you know Maxine lives here now.

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Oh. Well, it does look different.

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Uh, yeah, I hung up a few pictures

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and I repainted the walls.

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Painted? Why'd you go and do that?

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'Cause it was a color.

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It was a color, and she
wanted it a different color.

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You know her family has
trouble sticking to one color.

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He was gonna do it anyway.

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- I was.
- He was gonna do it.

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He was.

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Here's you a little housewarming gift.

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Oh. Thanks.

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Okay, why doesn't everyone
just, uh, take a seat

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and I will bring out the appetizers?

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- Oh.
- Where's the head of the table?

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Dad, it's a... it's a square table.

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I don't think there's a head.

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There's always a head.
Where are you gonna sit?

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- I'm sitting here.
- Not anymore.

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All right, here we go.

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Oh, you gonna feed us one bite at a time.

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It's just a little
bacon-wrapped shrimp to start.

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- Okay.
- Well, all right. That's two things I like.

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- Yeah.
- All done.

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- How many more do I get?
- Oh.

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As many as you like, Joe.

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Joe, this is actually pretty good.

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She didn't Maxine it.

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What?

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Maxine it?

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Oh, it's just a little thing we say.

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When you made something bad.

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But we said you didn't do that,

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so be proud of yourself, girl.

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Oprah got arrested yesterday.

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Oh, no! Gayle, too?

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Yup, yup, yup, Gayle,
too, Mama. Ponzi schemes.

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Hold-hold on.

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You mean to tell me that Oprah Winfrey

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and-and Gayle, uh... Winfrey got...

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...got arrested in a Ponzi scheme?

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Bobby, I told you to come up

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with a believable excuse
to get us out of here.

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Dad, you said to make the
lie undeniable, and I did.

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Son, Oprah would never get arrested.

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She is an angel that walks the earth.

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She is the reason black
people wake up in the morning.

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Learn Thai more flexible and enjoyable
with Banana Thai osdb.link/bananathai

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Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

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Boy, these cheesy things is dead on.

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- Mmm.
- That taste like Cynthia's, only different.

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I can't put my finger on it.

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- It's nutmeg.
- Ooh.

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Nutmeg? Oh.

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Uh, no. I doubled the cheese.

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- Oh. That's interesting.
- Oh.

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- Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's it.
- Yeah.

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- Double the cheese. Yeah.
- I like that.

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- Mom?
- Hmm?

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Salad?

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Pass.

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Yeah, Jerrod, quit Maxine-ing my dinner!

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- Oh!
- Did I use it right?

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You got him good, girl.

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Yeah!

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Well, that looks like rabbit food.

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Nuh-uh.

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I fed my rabbit steak. He was a champion.

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You guys got to eat vegetables,

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and I feel like I
shouldn't have to say that.

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I do eat vegetables.

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I had jalape�o poppers
before I came over here.

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All right.

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Well, I hate to do this to
you, Mom, but if I cooked it

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and it's on the table, you're gonna eat it.

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Okay, fine!

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I'll eat your durn rabbit food.

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Thank you very much. Get some kale.

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You get some kale, and you get some kale.

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And you get some kale.

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Oh! Oh!

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It's nasty! It's just...

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It's nasty!

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It's not nasty.

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Joe, are you okay?

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Oh, Lord, he's rejecting the kale!

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He's grabbing his heart attack area!

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- Wait a minute.
- Come on now. Hold on.

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- It's just a little indigestion.
- Is this for real?

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Smile so we can see if
you're having a stroke.

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Why am I gonna smile
if I'm having a stroke?!

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Somebody get me some Pepto!

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- All right.
- No, no, no, no, don't get Pepto.

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- This may really be a heart attack.
- A heart attack?

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- I'm calling 911.
- Hey, use Dad's phone.

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- He's got free nights and weekends.
- Nuh-uh!

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The ambulance co-pay is $300.

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I'll give you the $300.

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- Oh, now you're better than me?
- No, I'm calling.

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Do y'all hear that beep?

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No. I mean, listen to it.

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Yeah, that beep got a beat.

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Uh-uh. Now I got to spit now.

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I know y'all ain't ready for this.

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- You ready, Daddy?
- Oh.

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? I said my daddy about to die. ?

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Oh, will you stop freestyling over Dad!

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The doctor said he'll be in soon,

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and he said to quit asking
him how soon it'll be.

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But it's fine.

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It's fine because I got
my God on speed dial.

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Maybe I shouldn't have doubled the cheese.

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No, that's the only thing
that made sense tonight.

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Really?

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Made sense, Dad? Look,
your arteries are clogged,

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your blood pressure's sky high,

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you had this triple bypass
surgery a couple years ago...

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Yeah, and that hit the reset button.

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Now it took me damn near 60
years to clog these arteries.

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So now I feel like I got another
60 before they're full again.

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I am starving to death.

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Somebody go over to the vending machines

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and get me some potato chips.

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Yeah, I'll go... I'll
go get 'em for you, Joe.

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Thank you, darling.

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Seriously?

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He called me "darling."

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- Look, Dad...
- All right, gather round.

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I got something I want to say.

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Oh, no.

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Now we got to talk about
the future of this family.

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After I go and your mama goes,

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somebody has got to step up
and take over this family.

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Will it be you, the chubby brave one?

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Or you,

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the skinny one who forgot
where he comes from?

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Wait a minute. No. I watch TV.

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Dad is trying to Empire us!

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Here you go.

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Or maybe I'll leave it
all to you, Maxine...

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the rising star.

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Plain chips?

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You want flavor?

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You know I want flavor.

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Okay.

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Now, boys,

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after I go, you got to
look after your mama.

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Now, I'm assuming that you're
not gonna get remarried,

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right, honey?

218
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Well, yeah, eventually.

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It gets lonely out there.

220
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Yeah, well, it better not be

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to that Lawrence from down the street.

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- Oh, Lawrence.
- Wait, wait, wait.

223
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Who's-who's Lawrence from down the street?

224
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You know Lawrence. He bowlegged.

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Lawrence, man, damn.

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From down the street?

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00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:52,129
From down the street. Yeah.

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- Oh, doctor's here.
- Hello.

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00:08:53,849 --> 00:08:55,183
- How are you feeling?
- Look, now, Doc,

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don't feel the need to
sugarcoat anything, all right?

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Just give it to him straight.

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He knows that he had a heart attack,

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so just tell him how
bad it was. Like a 4.5?

234
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:04,064
Uh, Mr. Carmichael, you
did not have a heart attack.

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00:09:04,097 --> 00:09:06,298
- Told you!
- Thank goodness.

236
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,038
Check the chart again.
I mean, look at the man.

237
00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:09,768
He's got lumps all over his body.

238
00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:13,668
Why are you looking at
your daddy's lumpy body?

239
00:09:13,735 --> 00:09:15,869
Mr. Carmichael, can you tell me
a little bit about your night?

240
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I mean, what led up to
the pain in your chest?

241
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That one made me try kale.

242
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Oh, it was nasty.

243
00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:23,042
It was just nasty.

244
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Felt like Christmas tree in my mouth.

245
00:09:27,309 --> 00:09:29,844
I see here you had a bypass in 2013?

246
00:09:29,888 --> 00:09:32,456
- No, Doc. Not a bypass. A triple.
- Ah.

247
00:09:32,501 --> 00:09:34,335
- Triple crown.
- Triple crown.

248
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,134
- American Pharaoh.
- Yes.

249
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Well, we did find some new blockage,

250
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and that is concerning.

251
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See? Concerning, Dad. He said "concerning."

252
00:09:42,274 --> 00:09:44,142
Doctor, what are you trying to say?

253
00:09:44,174 --> 00:09:45,608
I recommend we get ahead of this

254
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:47,101
to avoid another bypass in the future.

255
00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:49,028
One good option is to put in a stent.

256
00:09:49,061 --> 00:09:50,261
It's an outpatient procedure.

257
00:09:50,283 --> 00:09:51,617
You'll be on your feet the next day.

258
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,240
Now, how soon can we do this?

259
00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,203
No, you said "option."
What's the other option?

260
00:09:55,237 --> 00:09:56,771
Well, we don't put in the stent,

261
00:09:56,798 --> 00:09:58,733
and you run the risk of
doing even more damage.

262
00:09:58,767 --> 00:09:59,933
I'll take that one.

263
00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:01,755
That sounds like a lot
less work for both of us.

264
00:10:01,786 --> 00:10:03,687
What?! Are you kidding me?

265
00:10:03,721 --> 00:10:04,721
Barbecue?

266
00:10:04,739 --> 00:10:06,206
Barbecue!

267
00:10:06,232 --> 00:10:08,100
All right.

268
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:15,463
Oh, thank God everything is fine.

269
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,683
Yup, clean bill of health.

270
00:10:17,721 --> 00:10:19,539
We're calling a partially blocked artery

271
00:10:19,571 --> 00:10:21,838
a clean bill of health now?

272
00:10:21,878 --> 00:10:23,945
You choose to see my
artery as half blocked,

273
00:10:23,981 --> 00:10:26,082
while I choose to see it as half open.

274
00:10:26,119 --> 00:10:28,120
It's all in your perspective, son.

275
00:10:28,155 --> 00:10:29,823
Now, what's for dessert?

276
00:10:29,852 --> 00:10:32,787
Oh, I can make you
some, uh, banana pudding.

277
00:10:32,838 --> 00:10:34,706
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Well, now,

278
00:10:34,739 --> 00:10:36,740
20 minutes ago, a doctor told this man

279
00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:39,042
he needs to have procedure
to unclog an artery,

280
00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:40,817
and now you want to make him some pudding?

281
00:10:40,847 --> 00:10:42,113
Hey, hey, hey, man,

282
00:10:42,136 --> 00:10:45,105
pudding can slide through
a tiny hole, brother.

283
00:10:45,156 --> 00:10:46,924
Why is everybody cool
with him not having it?

284
00:10:46,955 --> 00:10:48,255
Ma, will you talk to him?

285
00:10:48,279 --> 00:10:51,014
Jerrod, your daddy is his own man.

286
00:10:51,061 --> 00:10:53,329
I will not tell him
what to do with his body,

287
00:10:53,369 --> 00:10:57,238
'cause I sure don't want him
to tell me what to do with mine.

288
00:10:57,305 --> 00:10:59,306
W... What about you, Bobby?

289
00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:01,782
Like, are you cool with
Dad not having the surgery?

290
00:11:01,824 --> 00:11:05,221
Yeah, I... Look, I don't want
to see Dad go through that again.

291
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,547
And that bypass was just way too much.

292
00:11:07,587 --> 00:11:09,555
To be honest with you, you know,

293
00:11:09,589 --> 00:11:11,422
I'd just rather he die.

294
00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:26,173
Thank you, son.

295
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:28,918
Why can't you be more like your brother?

296
00:11:32,122 --> 00:11:34,090
Jerrod.

297
00:11:34,124 --> 00:11:36,826
What are you doing?
It's 3:00 in the morning.

298
00:11:36,873 --> 00:11:39,174
I'm eating waffles. It's...

299
00:11:39,214 --> 00:11:40,948
it's my stress food.

300
00:11:40,979 --> 00:11:45,483
It makes me feel like I'm in a
log cabin and everything's okay.

301
00:11:45,561 --> 00:11:48,396
Aw, I'm sorry.

302
00:11:48,445 --> 00:11:49,912
I know that you're frustrated that your dad

303
00:11:49,938 --> 00:11:52,807
- won't go through with the procedure.
- Yeah. Yeah.

304
00:11:52,857 --> 00:11:55,058
Do you feel like talking about it now?

305
00:11:55,096 --> 00:11:57,631
Wait a minute, I know what you're doing.

306
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,242
You're trying to therapist me, aren't you?

307
00:11:59,270 --> 00:12:00,704
I told you about that.

308
00:12:00,729 --> 00:12:02,363
I told you. I don't want
you to therapist me, Maxine.

309
00:12:02,392 --> 00:12:04,660
- I'm not into that.
- O-Okay. Then I'll...

310
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:06,667
then I'll just sit here
and watch TV with you.

311
00:12:06,701 --> 00:12:09,969
Thank you.

312
00:12:14,507 --> 00:12:18,443
See, the problem with my father is, like...

313
00:12:18,511 --> 00:12:21,446
- if he's not gonna get the stent, right...
- Mm-hmm.

314
00:12:21,497 --> 00:12:23,465
If he's not gonna get the
stent, the least he could do

315
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,168
is eat healthy, but, like,
the problem is he grew up poor,

316
00:12:26,214 --> 00:12:29,016
and nobody shows poor people
how to eat healthy, you know?

317
00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:30,932
- You know what his favorite holiday is?
- Hmm?

318
00:12:30,965 --> 00:12:33,934
Free Pancake Day at IHOP.

319
00:12:33,985 --> 00:12:35,819
Well, what's wrong with Free Pancake Day?

320
00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:37,519
Everybody loves free pancakes.

321
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,983
It's IHOP's way of giving
back to the community.

322
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,961
What? No, it's not giving back
if the gift is diabetes, Maxine.

323
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,480
Okay? You ever notice

324
00:12:45,523 --> 00:12:46,956
that it's only, like, the worst food

325
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:48,883
that they give away for
free? Like, you never hear

326
00:12:48,916 --> 00:12:51,384
about Whole Foods having,
like, Free Apple Day.

327
00:12:51,427 --> 00:12:54,062
You know? That's how they
keep people down. They give 'em

328
00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:57,845
high blood pressure and,
like, diabetes and gout.

329
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,844
'Cause you can't run for president

330
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:02,713
if you ain't got no legs, Maxine.

331
00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:05,364
All right, I'm hearing your frustration,

332
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,177
and I think that you're
taking out some anger on IHOP.

333
00:13:08,225 --> 00:13:09,859
My dad's in denial. I mean, it's like...

334
00:13:09,888 --> 00:13:11,989
if he's not gonna get the
stent, he needs to eat healthy.

335
00:13:12,026 --> 00:13:14,494
He needs to exercise, you know?

336
00:13:14,537 --> 00:13:16,505
Look, if you really want to help your dad,

337
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:18,941
you've got to tell him
what he means to you,

338
00:13:18,983 --> 00:13:20,417
why you don't want to lose him.

339
00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:21,809
You know, appeal to his emotions.

340
00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:24,668
Show him that you're coming
from a place of-of caring

341
00:13:24,718 --> 00:13:26,953
and that you love him.

342
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:29,160
Just accept him for who he is and...

343
00:13:29,198 --> 00:13:32,166
enjoy the time that you have with him now.

344
00:13:32,217 --> 00:13:34,919
So, uh, just give up on my father.

345
00:13:34,966 --> 00:13:36,767
That's your advice? Give up on my father?

346
00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:38,633
You know what, Maxine, I'm
gonna come up with a better idea,

347
00:13:38,665 --> 00:13:40,985
and, when I do, don't you try
and take credit for it, okay?

348
00:13:44,161 --> 00:13:45,763
And, you know what, Maxine,

349
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,760
if you really believe that
love can change people, then...

350
00:13:48,812 --> 00:13:51,379
you should know I love you.

351
00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:56,161
And I really think you
need to change your major.

352
00:13:57,939 --> 00:14:01,743
? Jacob's ladder... ?

353
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,776
? Soldier... ?

354
00:14:03,811 --> 00:14:07,412
Hey, Ma. You in here singing slave songs?

355
00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:11,841
I guess.

356
00:14:11,887 --> 00:14:13,254
What you got over there?

357
00:14:13,279 --> 00:14:15,280
All right, so last night
Maxine and I were talking,

358
00:14:15,315 --> 00:14:18,183
- right, and then I figured
it out all on my own. - Uh-huh.

359
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,667
- Oh.
- So, everything that Dad eats

360
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:22,411
- comes through you.
- Uh-huh.

361
00:14:22,441 --> 00:14:24,008
Meaning we needed to come bring you

362
00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:25,303
some healthier options, you know?

363
00:14:25,325 --> 00:14:27,525
Okay.

364
00:14:31,093 --> 00:14:33,829
Okay, Ma, what are you doing?

365
00:14:33,876 --> 00:14:35,978
I'm making your daddy some banana pudding.

366
00:14:36,015 --> 00:14:37,782
He changed his mind last night,

367
00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:40,380
so I made him some caramel corn.

368
00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:43,842
Caramel corn? Banana pudding?

369
00:14:43,888 --> 00:14:45,989
What is this, a-a... just
a bucket of butter, Ma?

370
00:14:46,026 --> 00:14:48,727
It's like Paula Deen's kitchen in here.

371
00:14:48,774 --> 00:14:51,276
You know, I feel sad for her.

372
00:14:51,319 --> 00:14:53,120
You have one outburst,

373
00:14:53,152 --> 00:14:55,986
and everybody forgets how
good your biscuits are!

374
00:14:58,275 --> 00:14:59,576
All right, well, look,
Maxine, you get the fridge,

375
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,600
- I'll get the cabinets, all right?
- Yep.

376
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,203
Uh-uh, uh-uh! Don't be
messing up my kitchen.

377
00:15:03,231 --> 00:15:04,798
You don't see me coming in your house,

378
00:15:04,825 --> 00:15:06,559
switching things around,

379
00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:09,492
like repainting the walls or
putting out your girlfriend.

380
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,376
Um,

381
00:15:11,409 --> 00:15:13,677
I-I meant that in general, Maxine.

382
00:15:13,716 --> 00:15:14,683
Of course.

383
00:15:14,701 --> 00:15:16,767
Otherwise it'd be cruel.

384
00:15:22,063 --> 00:15:23,398
Hey, Maxine, while you're here,

385
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,889
throw some fruit in there, all right?

386
00:15:24,915 --> 00:15:28,284
Jerrod, you know your daddy
don't like fruit like that.

387
00:15:28,342 --> 00:15:30,076
Then how are you even
making banana pudding?

388
00:15:30,107 --> 00:15:31,407
I don't use bananas.

389
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,732
- Baby, get me that yellow
dye at the cabinet. - No.

390
00:15:33,772 --> 00:15:35,939
No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

391
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,411
What are... Ma,

392
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,270
you got to eat real food.

393
00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:42,072
You know, growing up, I drank
more Kool-Aid than water?

394
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,222
And you were happy. Don't you forget that.

395
00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:46,710
You can't keep making excuses for him.

396
00:15:46,735 --> 00:15:47,935
If he keeps eating like this,

397
00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:49,224
he's gonna end up back in the hospital.

398
00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,547
Jerrod, I cook the way I cook.

399
00:15:51,587 --> 00:15:53,154
Now, there is a reason

400
00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:55,751
why broccoli recipes are not passed down

401
00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:58,431
from generation to generation.

402
00:15:58,477 --> 00:15:59,910
You know what? And I thought about that.

403
00:15:59,935 --> 00:16:02,270
That's why I got you this.
I got you a cookbook, Ma.

404
00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:05,213
- Healthy recipes in here, okay?
- Oh, no, Jerrod, you know I fry everything.

405
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:08,232
- I know you fry everything. I know you do.
- I don't know how to do...

406
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:10,251
- And that's why I got you this, too. Look.
- Tofu?

407
00:16:10,285 --> 00:16:12,186
It's a... it's a steamer, all right?

408
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:14,555
You don't add any grease
or oil, just water.

409
00:16:14,595 --> 00:16:16,761
Now, slow down! I'm not a scientist!

410
00:16:20,261 --> 00:16:22,230
All right.

411
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,232
Listen to me, Ma, before you go telling me

412
00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:26,100
that healthy food is
too expensive to buy...

413
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:28,168
- Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
- I figured you were

414
00:16:28,203 --> 00:16:30,204
gonna say something like
that. I got you this.

415
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,639
What is this?

416
00:16:31,664 --> 00:16:33,932
- It's a gift card to Whole Foods, okay?
- Whole...

417
00:16:33,972 --> 00:16:35,740
Now we don't have any more excuses.

418
00:16:35,771 --> 00:16:37,238
We can't just keep
pretending nothing's wrong,

419
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,632
all right? Dad needs healthier options.

420
00:16:39,673 --> 00:16:41,307
So it's enough money on there
for you to buy the groceries

421
00:16:41,336 --> 00:16:42,402
for a couple weeks.

422
00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:44,389
A couple of weeks, huh?

423
00:16:44,424 --> 00:16:46,191
All right.

424
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:50,159
I'll go to your fancy grocery store.

425
00:16:50,227 --> 00:16:52,028
Thank you. Thanks.

426
00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:55,195
Well, tell me this, do I have
to dress up to go in there?

427
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,817
Or should I wear my hat?

428
00:16:57,862 --> 00:16:59,096
You know I got a nice hat.

429
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,252
You know what, I'm gonna get my hat.

430
00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:03,724
Joe! Where's my hat?!

431
00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:06,736
Get this thing in here.
All right, be careful.

432
00:17:06,787 --> 00:17:09,755
All right. All right.

433
00:17:09,807 --> 00:17:12,542
- Okay.
- Right here's cool.

434
00:17:12,589 --> 00:17:15,790
Daddy got a swing!

435
00:17:18,493 --> 00:17:20,795
Wait a minute. Wait, what the hell?

436
00:17:20,835 --> 00:17:25,139
Dad, why is there a swing in
the middle of the living room?

437
00:17:25,214 --> 00:17:26,648
It's not a swing.

438
00:17:26,673 --> 00:17:31,275
It is an organic, fair trade,
non-pasteurized hemp hammock.

439
00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,602
I bought it with your gift card.

440
00:17:35,631 --> 00:17:37,232
Cost me $200.

441
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:39,994
Which, by the way, you owe me $53.

442
00:17:42,146 --> 00:17:44,548
You weren't planning on bringing
that thing in here, were you?

443
00:17:44,590 --> 00:17:47,258
I can't have no treadmill
in my living room.

444
00:17:47,305 --> 00:17:48,372
That-That's crazy.

445
00:17:48,391 --> 00:17:49,725
Hey, kids.

446
00:17:49,748 --> 00:17:52,216
Ma, you were supposed to buy
healthy food with that money.

447
00:17:52,259 --> 00:17:54,026
I took your father to the store with me.

448
00:17:54,058 --> 00:17:57,327
You know how he is when
he sees something he likes.

449
00:17:57,383 --> 00:18:00,219
I thought you said you
wanted me to make him happier.

450
00:18:00,269 --> 00:18:02,436
No, I said I wanted you
to make him healthier.

451
00:18:02,473 --> 00:18:04,940
Well, that was not clear.

452
00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:08,238
All right, you know what,
Dad, get up, all right?

453
00:18:08,277 --> 00:18:11,045
Get up. Get out, all right?
I'm taking this back. You-you...

454
00:18:11,093 --> 00:18:13,128
you are really, really
selfish, you know that?

455
00:18:13,163 --> 00:18:14,797
You really just want us all to sit around

456
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:16,193
and watch you kill yourself.

457
00:18:16,218 --> 00:18:17,385
What? I'm not trying to kill myself.

458
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:19,072
This is a stress reliever.

459
00:18:19,102 --> 00:18:22,605
I'm more relaxed than the
sleeping hippie on the box!

460
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:25,434
Here. You know what,

461
00:18:25,482 --> 00:18:28,150
you won't exercise, you won't get
the stent, you won't eat healthy.

462
00:18:28,196 --> 00:18:30,664
That is asking your family
to watch you kill yourself.

463
00:18:30,707 --> 00:18:32,041
Well, what about what
you're asking me to do?

464
00:18:32,065 --> 00:18:33,933
That is a dangerous procedure.

465
00:18:33,966 --> 00:18:36,000
- What I'm telling you you need to do is
that you need to... - No, I don't need you

466
00:18:36,035 --> 00:18:39,304
to tell me anything. I'm the
one that has to lie on the table,

467
00:18:39,361 --> 00:18:42,029
get knocked out, and have
his chest cracked open.

468
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:43,976
Does that sound like fun?
Well, I will tell you.

469
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:46,979
It is not. 'Cause I had
to do the same damn thing

470
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:49,198
for that bypass. And it made me realize

471
00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,370
that my life could be over in an instant.

472
00:18:51,408 --> 00:18:53,543
And I promised myself, moving forward,

473
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,380
I'm gonna do things that make me happy.

474
00:18:55,412 --> 00:18:58,248
And that surgery doesn't make me happy.

475
00:18:58,297 --> 00:19:00,631
Well, I'm telling you you
learned the wrong lesson.

476
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:03,074
The lesson you were supposed
to learn was to appreciate life.

477
00:19:03,116 --> 00:19:04,549
The lesson you were supposed to learn

478
00:19:04,574 --> 00:19:06,575
was to appreciate your
family. I mean, don't you want

479
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,611
to stick around in case you have grandkids?

480
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:10,113
That's hypothetical, Maxine.

481
00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:12,307
Don't you dare...

482
00:19:12,345 --> 00:19:15,180
don't you dare pawn them kids off on me.

483
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,265
I already raised you, and
I'm gonna be honest with you,

484
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:20,234
I did not enjoy it.

485
00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:23,101
So that's it, huh?

486
00:19:23,137 --> 00:19:25,105
You're just gonna sit around and die, huh?

487
00:19:25,139 --> 00:19:27,640
No, I'm gonna sit around and live.

488
00:19:27,684 --> 00:19:30,586
Why are you so worried
about when I'm gonna die?

489
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,437
Because you're my father! Maybe...

490
00:19:32,469 --> 00:19:35,369
maybe I'm not done with you yet.

491
00:19:39,323 --> 00:19:41,291
All right.

492
00:19:41,325 --> 00:19:42,993
I get it.

493
00:19:43,023 --> 00:19:45,558
You need me.

494
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,603
So, um...

495
00:19:47,638 --> 00:19:50,306
maybe I'll get that stent.

496
00:19:50,353 --> 00:19:51,620
You will?

497
00:19:51,642 --> 00:19:53,443
Well, I mean, if my son
is standing here telling me

498
00:19:53,475 --> 00:19:55,509
that he will be completely
lost without me...

499
00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:57,545
- That is not what I said.
- You said your life

500
00:19:57,581 --> 00:19:59,716
- is gonna be in shambles if I
happen to die. - I did not...

501
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:00,853
I did not say that either.

502
00:20:00,873 --> 00:20:02,106
Come on, boy. Come in here now.

503
00:20:02,128 --> 00:20:03,462
Come on, come on now.

504
00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:06,487
- All right. All right.
- Ah.

505
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,806
All right.

506
00:20:12,172 --> 00:20:14,007
I told you to use your emotions.

507
00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:15,973
This is... this is all me.

508
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,941
- No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, Dad. No, no.
- I told him to use his emotions.

509
00:20:17,975 --> 00:20:19,176
I will not let you have this one.

510
00:20:19,197 --> 00:20:21,364
She Maxined the whole moment!

511
00:20:27,207 --> 00:20:31,680
Okay. Who wants Daddy's
Home from the Hospital Cake?

512
00:20:31,758 --> 00:20:32,803
Ma...

513
00:20:32,821 --> 00:20:35,077
And before you start, Jerrod, it's low fat.

514
00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:38,617
I see that.

515
00:20:38,646 --> 00:20:41,515
Give your daddy a break.

516
00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:43,266
He just escaped

517
00:20:43,296 --> 00:20:44,396
death

518
00:20:44,416 --> 00:20:46,250
for the second time.

519
00:20:46,282 --> 00:20:47,762
I was lying on that table,

520
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,457
and I don't know what
happened but I left my body.

521
00:20:50,503 --> 00:20:52,370
Then the next thing I know,

522
00:20:52,403 --> 00:20:54,337
I'm staring down on myself,

523
00:20:54,371 --> 00:20:58,374
and I turn around and all I
can see is vast nothingness.

524
00:20:58,443 --> 00:21:01,112
It's like I could see
everything but nothing.

525
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:03,861
And I think, "Man, this must
be what peace looks like."

526
00:21:03,908 --> 00:21:08,111
And then I-I... Who you waving at?

527
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:11,018
Lawrence from down the street.

528
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:14,037
Lawrence from down the street?

529
00:21:14,088 --> 00:21:18,524
Lawrence, you better get
your ass back down the street!

530
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,203
Well, I got your daddy to exercise.

531
00:21:24,253 --> 00:21:28,803
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